Losing a parent is one of the saddest things that can happen to anyone. Whether it’s a sudden shock or it’s an illness that slowly becomes worse, it’s a terrible emotional process to go through at any age.
Here are 20 lessons you learn when your parent is sick or passes away.
Time Is Valuable
You realize that time is valuable and that you may have even taken your childhood and youth for granted. Time spent playing with your parents or even sharing a cup of coffee has intensified in meaning and significance. It also makes you consider your own mortality and that you need to spend more time with your children, friends, and family.
Expect the Unexpected
Life throws curveballs at you, and there’s often no pattern. You can have one person who has poor and detrimental lifestyle habits and seemingly thrives and another happy-go-lucky and ultra-healthy person who succumbs to illness. Whether or not your parent’s illness or passing was expected, life teaches you that anything can and will happen.
Life Isn’t Fair
The bleakest point of all is that life isn’t fair. Not everyone has the opportunity to say goodbye to their parents. Some people may be able to say I love you one more time in the hospital or on their deathbed, whereas others will rue being without them in their final moments.
Everyone Suffers From Grief
Suffering from extreme bouts of grief makes you realize that everyone goes through something similar. Everyone experiences loss; no matter someone’s wealth, demographic, or personality, most people suffer similar emotional traumas. Symptoms of PTSD and depression are relatively common among people who suffer from the loss of their parents.
You Never Feel Ready
Whenever you get a call or message that your parent is sick or has passed, you are never truly ready. No amount of preparation can make you feel 100% ready for such life-changing news.
The Costs of Funerals
The average funeral cost today is over $8,000 in the US. With the current cost of living crisis, unemployment rates, and other financial issues, this is a hefty sum for a grieving child to burden.
The Difficult Logistics of Funerals
If you have never had to organize a funeral, you’ll realize how difficult and costly it can be. From deciding transportation arrangements, deciding who’ll be delivering the eulogies, and working out payment plans, the last thing someone grieving needs at this moment is to organize every aspect of a funeral. However, this can also help relatives achieve a strong sense of control and organization during difficult times.
The Importance of Being Kind to Others
The significant event teaches you that anyone can be going through the same thing as you. Whether you’re a waiter or waitress in a restaurant, a cashier at a clothing store, or a mere passerby, you realize the value of being kind to others because you don’t know what they’re going through.
Your Behavior Changes
For a short period, nothing can cheer you up. People often experience weight loss following the passing of their parents. Others may even gain weight as a form of coping mechanism. People develop different habits and coping mechanisms when a parent passes, no matter how insignificant or strange.
Anything Can Trigger You
There may be some periods of time when anything can trigger you emotionally, whether positively or negatively. Not only could you become short-tempered, but even small items, smells, or tastes remind you of your deceased loved one. Whether someone wears a similar fragrance, you taste food that reminds you of your childhood, or you watch a movie your parent loved, many things can evoke strong emotions.
Developing Empathy Is a Skill
Learning that other people go through the same thing teaches you to develop empathy differently. You realize how catastrophic and devastating this news can be for people, and you develop insight into managing people’s feelings during this tough time.
It Feels Surreal
Those first few days feel surreal. The one person who has been with you your entire life is no longer here. Losing a parent is something you’ve literally never experienced before, and it doesn’t feel natural. Their house still exists, you’ve still got photos of them, and their name is still in your contact list, which initially makes the whole scenario almost unfathomable.
Small Reminders Can Make You Extremely Emotional
Small items, dishes, or pieces of clothing can make you extremely emotional. You’ll realize that you begin to attach tremendous meaning to seemingly insignificant items. Whether it’s your father’s favorite chair, your mother’s necklace, or another item that won’t be valuable to anyone else, they become more significant than ever.
You May Feel on Your Own
You came into this world dependent on your parents from the get-go. The passing of your parents makes you realize how vulnerable or alone you can be. While this may evoke feelings of isolation, it can also foster greater levels of responsibility.
The Importance of Self-care
Nothing matters when your parent has passed away. It makes you realize that physical and mental health is the most important thing in the world. Forget that assignment that you have due by Monday, or worry about upsetting your friends by attending each and every party or event. The transcience of life makes you realize that self-care is paramount.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything
You begin to realize that you don’t have to compromise yourself repeatedly. While it is important to show empathy, kindness, and priority to others sometimes, it’s also important to realize that you don’t owe anyone anything.
Hearing I’m Sorry Becomes Repetitive
You’ll quickly become tired hearing the words I’m sorry. While people try their best to offer their condolences, many struggle to articulate their empathy. Despite their kind intentions, people who are fortunate enough to have not gone through the same circumstances, in particular, can struggle to share meaningful words during this time.
You’ll Appreciate the Smallest Acts of Support
But on the other hand, you’ll appreciate every single act of kindness and support. It can help you realize that everyone is in the same boat and trying to navigate life despite the emotional toll that it can take.
You’ll Understand Who’s There for You
In times of need, you’ll realize who is there for you. Grief can even end friendships in some cases. Some people will be an immense form of support, whereas others may disappear. You’ll realize who your real friends are and those you are merely acquainted with.
You Realize That It’s a Universal Experience
You begin to sympathize with others, even if they haven’t gone through a similar experience. You begin to weigh up all of the possibilities in life, and 99% of people will experience something similar.
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