When you’re talking to younger people, specifically your grandkids, there are some old-school phrases that you might use without a second thought. Even though they might have been standard back in the day, times have changed, and so has how kids see things. Here are 18 phrases and sayings you should probably stop using and why.
Seen, Not Heard
Saying, “Kids should be seen and not heard,” tells kids that their thoughts don’t matter. Instead of telling them to be quiet, we should encourage them to speak up. Listening to their stories and ideas actually helps them grow smarter and more confident, so we should give them the floor more often.
Being Smart
You might think that telling your grandkids, “You’re so smart; you must get it from my side of the family,” is a compliment. In reality, it’s anything but because you’re not giving them the credit for their own hard work. Next time, you should just cheer on their effort and leave the family tree out of it.
The Good Old Days
“When I was your age…” is a phrase that will only ever annoy your grandkids. You might mean well, but you’re making it sound like you think they’ve got it easy, which just isn’t true. Their world is way different than ours, so maybe you should just share your stories, and they can share theirs.
Excuses, Excuses
“Boys will be boys,” right? That’s not true. It’s an outdated phrase that excuses bad behavior by blaming it on someone’s gender instead. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking to your granddaughter or grandson; you should just address the bad behavior without making it a boy thing.
Being Ladylike
Similarly, telling our granddaughters to “act ladylike” boxes them into old stereotypes that don’t help anybody. We should teach our kids to be themselves, regardless of whether it’s “ladylike” or not. Girls can play in the mud if they want to, and we should support their personality no matter how it shines.
Like a Girl
This rule also works for boys because saying they do something “like a girl” just doesn’t fly anymore. Everyone deserves praise for what they do, and let’s face it: Girls are just as tough as boys. Instead of prescribing gendered actions, we should just cheer our grandkids on for whatever they do.
Money Talk
We’ve probably all told our grandkids, “Don’t worry about money, just enjoy your youth,” or some variation of it. While you might think it sounds like sensible advice, teaching them about money when they’re young can actually set them up for a good future. Of course, you don’t need to teach them about stocks, but letting them know about budgeting or saving in a fun way is quite useful.
Mad About Money
Similarly, “Money doesn’t grow on trees” can sometimes be a good way to teach your grandkids about the reality of a dollar. But honestly, it sounds a little harsh, and there are far better ways to teach them how to manage money. You could try playing games with them so they can understand what it means to save and spend smart.
Tears and Threats
“Stop crying before I give you something to cry about” is something you might’ve said without thinking, but it’s just not right. You should never ignore your grandkid’s feelings because that just tells them they don’t matter. Figure out why they’re upset and deal with the real issues by turning those tears into teachable moments.
Body Comments
Mentioning changes in their body, like “You’ve gotten so skinny” or “You’ve gotten so fat,” isn’t the harmless comment you think it is. These are things that are going to stick with them. You should talk about how great they are by complimenting their smile or style instead. Or better yet, praise their kindness and brains.
Skipping Therapy
When you tell your grandkids, “We didn’t need therapy,” you’re going to make them think twice about asking for help when they really need it. That’s never okay. Supporting their mental health is just as important as cheering on their soccer skills, so you must let them know that it’s okay to reach out if they’re feeling down.
Claims of Caretaking
You shouldn’t demand that your kids “must take of me when I’m old” because that’s quite a heavy load to put on their little shoulders. Of course, family members look out for each other, but you want them to know the power of independence and to look after yourself, too. Teach them to look after themselves and others without making it feel like a duty.
Color Blindness
Here’s one you might say to your grandkids and other people. As inclusive as “I don’t see color” sounds, it’s actually ignoring the unique experiences and challenges people have to deal with because of their race or background. You should support and celebrate their differences and teach your grandkids to do the same.
Pray It Away
There’s no denying that prayer is powerful, and even science proves that, but telling people to “just pray about it” when dealing with a problem isn’t always the right thing. This could make them ignore things that could help them. Let them pray, but teach them to back their faith up with practical action.
Just a Phase
Nobody’s interests or worries are “just a phase,” and telling them this makes them feel like you’re not taking them seriously. It doesn’t matter if they’re into dinosaurs or ballet this week because you should just get excited with them. After all, you never know if today’s hobby could be the start of their lifelong passion.
Some Things Are Impossible
As adults, we all know that life can be difficult, and sometimes, you can fail even if you try your hardest. It’s not fun, but it’s something that kids need to understand. Telling them, “You can do anything you set your mind to,” doesn’t help, and we should teach them how to bounce back when things don’t go their way.
For Your Own Good
When we decide to do something “for their own good,” we tell kids they don’t matter. Instead, you should explain your reasons to them so they can understand and learn how to make good decisions. They should be part of the decision-making process and not just sidelined.
In Charge
Telling your grandson, “You’re the man of the house now,” puts a ton of pressure on them when they don’t need it. Worst still, you’re telling them that only men can be in charge, which isn’t true. Let kids be kids by encouraging them to enjoy their childhood without worrying about adult responsibilities.
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