Stepfamilies are becoming more common, particularly among people over 50, and new research has revealed how they affect relationships between parents and children. The study examined how mothers and fathers interact with their stepkids compared to traditional families. The results found that things are more different than you might expect.
More Stepfamilies
These days, nearly half of older couples with children are part of a stepfamily, and this number has been growing since the late 20th century. This is mostly because divorce has become more socially acceptable, and people can find new love once their relationships have ended. More people have found ways to make kids from their past relationships part of their new families.
The New Study
Researchers I-Fen Lin and Judith A. Seltzer conducted the study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. They looked at data from the Health and Retirement Study to understand how stepfamilies work. Their research focused on responses from couples at least 51 years old.
Different Stepfamilies
The study also looked at different types of stepfamilies, including ones where both partners had kids from before or where they had come together, known as joint children. Overall, these different setups didn’t cause drastic changes to the results. Most stepfamilies reported the same results in the study as each other.
Getting the Details
The researchers also used data from the “Leave Behind” questionnaire, which people completed after their main interview. This survey gave researchers a clearer view of the ups and downs in family relationships. It also helped them understand details that might not come up in a more formal interview setting.
What Makes a Good Relationship?
In the study, researchers found that a good relationship means feeling understood by your kids and being able to depend on them during difficult moments. It also includes feeling comfortable talking about your concerns. They argued that having a strong connection with your kids meant that they truly understood you.
The End of Relationships
Most participants in the study started a stepfamily after divorcing their previous one, which could be one reason why they have to deal with more challenges. Being divorced changes how you interact with others, especially with the emotional baggage that comes with divorce. Naturally, it’s much harder to connect with people when you feel this way.
Negative Issues
Of course, no relationship is perfect, including among families. The study also looked at the harder part of family relationships, including how often kids might be too demanding or if they frequently have problems with their parents. This includes being overly critical of their parents or disappointing them.
Stepfamilies vs. Non Stepfamilies
It turns out that parents in stepfamilies often feel like their relationship with their kids is more strained than those in non-stepfamilies. It seems that it’s a lot harder for them to build a stronger relationship with their stepchildren. Naturally, every family is different, so these results aren’t necessarily true for everyone.
Joint Kids
The research also found that having a kid together in a stepfamily makes things smoother, as this shared connection can improve how everyone gets along. This creates a way for everyone in the new family to feel connected. Parents in the study noted that it makes their home feel more relaxed, which is good for everyone.
Moms vs Dads
Moms in stepfamilies seem to have an easier time forming positive connections with their kids than dads. Dads seem to be more reluctant to do so, which can change how each family works. Even so, the study also found that moms face other challenges with their stepchildren, as they also experience more negative relationships than fathers.
Different for Dads
Dads in stepfamilies didn’t feel as much of a positive connection to their children as dads in regular families. Although they didn’t report feeling more negative feelings, there was a clear lack of positive emotions. It’s unclear why this is, but it may be due to stepfathers spending less time with their stepchildren or having different expectations from the relationship.
Education and Living Situations
In general, fewer children in stepfamilies lived at home than in traditional families and had fewer college degrees. This could influence how these families interact and bond with each other. Research shows that going to college changes your relationships, including your family.
More Diversity
Stepfamilies were mostly more diverse than nuclear families, as there were more minority stepfamilies than white stepfamilies. This could be a reason why people in stepfamilies find it harder to connect. They might struggle to overcome some of the major cultural differences that come from having such varied families.
Length of Stepfamilies
The longer a stepfamily has been together, the better their relationships usually are. Time truly can heal, and that’s true for stepfamilies. Spending more time together can help them work through their differences and allow everyone to adjust to their new families. This way, they can make something that works for everyone.
Kids’ Ages
Likewise, the kids’ age in a stepfamily is just as important. Older children usually have a harder time adjusting to a new stepparent than younger ones. Younger children often adapt more easily to a new family unit, meaning that even something as simple as age can change how everyone gets along.
Limited Data
No research project is perfect, and this study’s authors reported as much. They only took data from stepparents and didn’t ask the stepchildren their opinions on their relationships. Had they asked them how they felt, the data could’ve been quite different, as they might have felt more positive about their relationships than their parents did.
Other Limitations
Similarly, there weren’t as many families in the study where both parents had kids from previous relationships. Research shows that joint children have a positive effect on stepfamilies. This type of stepfamily could work differently than other relationships, giving a clearer view of stepfamily life.
The Researchers Talk
The researchers finished the study by saying, “We found that couples in stepfamilies perceived relationships with their children less positively than did couples in non-stepfamilies, in line with Hypothesis 1. Having a joint child was associated with more positive parent-child relationships in stepfamilies, supporting the concrete baby effect specified in Hypothesis 2.”
Continued Statements
The researchers continued, “Non-stepfamilies had more positive parent-child relationships than in all of the stepfamily configurations (except “hers and ours” families, families where the mother has children from previous relationships), but stepfamily types did not differ from one another.” Stepfamilies work quite differently than traditional families.
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