Grey divorce, which is when couples over the age of 50 decide to end their marriages, has increased significantly in the past couple of decades. Gone are the days when most people stuck to their promise to stay together ‘till death do us part’. Today, older couples are choosing a different path. Let’s examine the reasons behind this trend and discover why marriage is becoming a more disposable institution.
Married Young
Many people who are in their 50s or 60s today grew up learning that getting hitched was the only path to happiness. They often married the first person who seemed like they might fit the bill to match their peers and please their families. In many cases, people didn’t leave home until they got married, so this was their opportunity to establish themselves as independent adults too.
Reasons For Marriage
People today usually get married solely on the basis that the love their partner. In decades gone by, they sometimes made the commitment for other reasons. For example, for financial security or a desire to have kids. It’s inevitable that these marriages eventually end in divorce when couples are older.
Financial Strain
Arguments about spending and debt are some of the most common areas of trouble in a marriage. When resentments and issues about money have been festering for many years, lots of couples get to a point where they have simply had enough and want to go their separate ways.
Empty Nest
Many couples keep their marriage going when their children are growing up. The kids are a shared focus for whom they have goals and aspirations. Lots of parents also want their kids to grow up with both mom and dad at home, so they stay together when they might not have if they had remained childless. Once the kids have moved out and begun their own lives, some couples find that they don’t have a reason to be together anymore.
Infidelity
Affairs or sex with others outside of the marriage is surprisingly common among older couples. In fact, 20% of Americans over 55 have had extra-marital relations. Some marriages stay intact after affairs because the couple resolves their issues and forgiveness is given, but many do not. For some couples, betrayal is not something they can get past, and the marriage ends in divorce.
Poor Communication
Many Boomers were taught to suppress their feelings and ‘get on with things’, particularly men. As a result, a lack of communication about their wants and needs has become deeply ingrained. When their needs aren’t met because of poor communication, people become resentful. This can eat away at a marriage and ultimately end in divorce.
Imbalance Of Domestic Load
For the Boomer generation, women grew up expecting to take on the bulk of domestic duties. What they didn’t expect, was that in many cases they’d be working full time as well. Doing most of the work in the home, childcare and paid work for many hours inevitably led to some women feeling short-changed. When their complaints are ignored and no changes are made, many wives decide they don’t want to be married anymore.
Addiction
When one party in a marriage has an addiction they’re not able to overcome, divorce is often the outcome. Addiction to various substances is surprisingly common. For example, One fifth of Americans over 60 have alcohol issues. It’s no surprise that one half of a couple doesn’t want to continue a marriage with someone who’s dependent on a substance.
Change In Life Goals
Once the kids have left home, many people discover that they have new priorities in their lives. They may decide to get fit, overhaul their diet or discover their spiritual side. If their husband or wife is taking their life in a completely different direction or is happy to stagnate on the couch with a bag of chips, then divorce is likely to be on the horizon.
Increase In Life Expectancy
People are living longer than they used to. In terms of life expectancy, the average is 77 in the US with many doing even better than that. When a person is in their 50s or 60s and is faced with another 20 or 30 years with the same person, they sometimes decide that’s not what they want. A desire to change their life before it’s too late and explore other options can lead to divorce.
Less Stigma
In previous decades, there was a stigma associated with getting divorced. It was seen as a source of shame and embarrassment. This no longer being the case, many older people are choosing to end unhappy marriages.
The Second Marriage Problem
67% Americans between 55 and 64 are on their second marriage, and this is more likely to fail. In fact, 67% of couples who are married for the second time get divorced. Perhaps these couples simply refuse to stay in a relationship that isn’t working, and that’s completely understandable.
Intimacy Problems
There’s a wide range of intimacy problems that can lead to divorce. When one or both parties aren’t getting their needs met, the marriage is more likely to come to an end. This is especially true if the couple are unwilling to communicate their issues and seek help to resolve them.
Dull Routine
When a marriage becomes a dull daily routine, with no room for surprise or romance, then it’s likely to end in divorce. This is very common after years of being together and leads to people feeling taking for granted and not valued or appreciated. They may want to end the marriage so they can find a new partner who does show they care.
Growing Apart
Some couples end up having completely different interests and separate hobbies. This means they become little more than roommates who don’t spend any time together, so the marriage no longer seems viable.
Reconnecting With The Past
Social media sites like Facebook allow people to reconnect with old high school buddies and sometimes previous boy or girlfriends. This sometimes leads one half of a couple to find they are getting the attention they need from someone from their past rather than their spouse. This can cause them to reevaluate their marriage and decide to divorce.
Partner Being Possessive Or Controlling
Some husbands and wives are subject to being strictly controlled by their other half due to their insecurities. After many years of this, they often decide that they no longer want to live in this way and decide to divorce.
Desire For Financial Independence
Sometimes, one half of a couple has all the power when it comes to money. The other half must ask permission to make any purchases, even small ones, and they’re not allowed to make any big financial decisions. Decades later, a grey divorce looms as the husband or wife decides they want to live the rest of their life being financially independent.
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